


penelope garcia makes a group chat (ON HIATUS)

by lcmustdie



Category: Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Bisexual Derek Morgan, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Drug Use, F/F, Gay, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lesbian Emily Prentiss, Let Rossi Say Fuck, Let Spencer Say Fuck, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Drug Addiction, Past Drug Use, bau, chosen family, let them all say fuck, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27475618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcmustdie/pseuds/lcmustdie
Summary: penelope garcia makes a group chat for the BAU, chaos ensues.this is my first text fic, so bear with me as i figure it all out!!
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 14
Kudos: 141





	1. and so it begins

**Penelope Garcia** added **Aaron Hotchner**

**Penelope Garcia** added **Spencer Reid**

**Penelope Garcia** added **Dererk Morgan**

**Penelope Garcia** added **David Rossi**

**Penelope Garcia** added **Emily Prentiss**

**Penelope Garcia** added **Jennifer Jareau**

**Penelope Garcia** changed **Aaron Hotchner** ’s name to **Bossy McGee**  
 **Penelope Garcia** changed **Spencer Reid** ’s name to **Boy Wonder**  
 **Penelope Garcia** changed **Derek Morgan** ’s name to **Chocolate Thunder**  
 **Penelope Garcia** changed **David Rossi** ’s name to **Al Dente**  
 **Penelope Garcia** changed **Emily Prentiss** ’s name to **Sappho**  
 **Penelope Garcia** changed **Jennifer Jareau** ’s name to **Mommy**

**Baby Girl** named the chat **family gc**

**10:36 PM**  
 **Bossy McGee:** Why.

**Baby Girl:** aww, bossman! dont you want to connect with us?!

**Bossy McGee:** Not at 10:40 on a Sunday night when I have a child, no.

**Boy Wonder** : wjat id tihs

**Sappho:** 1- Thank you for the wonderful name, PG. 2- Is,,, is Spence ok?

**Chocolate Thunder:** He’s fine, pretty boy just has bad motor skills

**Boy Wonder:** sayh that ti my face jackass

**Mommy:** Emily and I regret to inform you we’re going to bed, which she is vehemently opposed to.

**Boy Wonder** : i like your funbtn words mafix man

**Bossy McGee:** I will also be going to bed.

**Al Dente:** Same here.

**Boy Wonder:** cowrdas

**Chocolate Thunder:** Might not be a bad idea for you to go to sleep too Spence-

**Baby Girl:** he can sleep when hes dead

**Boy Wonder:** i can slerep whn i'm dasd

**Chocolate Thunder:** You both scare me beyond belief.

**Boy Wonder:** good

**Chocolate Thunder:** Oh now you can spell?

**Boy Wonder:** thsi is homoopogvia

**Baby Girl:** i think homophobia can only affect gay people baby

**Boy Wonder:** ah fucl i gorgot

**Chocolate Thunder:** Forgot what?

**Boy Wonder:** i do be bisexual doe

**Chocolate Thunder:** Oh that’s cool ig

**Baby Girl:** im glad u told us love!

**Boy Wonder:** yehawe

**Private Message**

**Baby Girl:** “cool ig”

**Baby Girl:** are you homophobic??

**Chocolate Thunder:** No, no not at all. I’m just surprised.

**Baby Girl:** that's not what it is.

**Chocolate Thunder:** I was just surprised, honest.

**Baby Girl:** i'm not a profiler but i can tell that's not what it is

**Baby Girl:** omg u like him don't u

**Chocolate Thunder:** What are we, high schoolers??

**Baby Girl:** isnt answering a question with a question a sign of a lie?

**Chocolate Thunder:** I plead the fifth.

**family gc**   
**10:45 PM**

**Boy Wonder:** all by mykselfdddd

**Chocolate Thunder:** Not anymore, what’s up pretty boy?

**Boy Wonder:** 2not ur nuhkner of braincells

**Chocolate Thunder:** I’m sorry

What

**Baby Girl:** nono hes right.

**Chocolate Thunder:** Jesus Christ

**Boy Wonder:** yhastd me@

**Chocolate Thunder:** Are you claiming to be Jesus?

**Boy Wonder:** yues

**Chocolate Thunder:** And with that? I’m going to bed.


	2. daryl jacobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a very vauge case chapter with no texting. i wrote most of this during French.

They had a case on Monday, no surprise, but it was always an unpleasant sight first thing in the morning. 

“3 victims in the last month, all stabbed, raped and mutilated. Cause of death is massive blood loss.” Garcia rattled off the facts of the case, looking forward to avoid seeing the gruesome photos. “Victims were Alexander James, John William and Thomas Reynolds. James did contracting and was openly gay, living with his husband and 2 kids, William had a job as a bartender at a local gay bar and was single, but had a dating account on a site made for gay men. Thomas Reynolds was the confusing victim, he had a wife and kids and was active in his churches community. 

“The victimology seems off,” Reid said, staring at the papers in his hand. “Two openly gay men and one straight man? It makes no sense.”

“Which is exactly why they need our help, wheels up in 30.”

* * *

  
  


The case was easy, the takedown, however, was far from it.

“Reid!”

“Shit, fuck, goddamnit!” A string of curses flew out of Reid’s mouth as he clutched his arm, where he had been shot. “Keep going, I’m fine! Fuck!”

“No, Reid,” Hotch tried to turn. 

“Move one step, and you’re dead.” The UNSUB, Daryl Jacobs, had his gun pointed to Hotch’s head. 

“Daryl,” Reid said, rising slowly, trying not to agitate his wounded arm, “Put the gun down. It’s not worth it. He didn’t hurt you, not like those men.”

Daryl was 13 when he was assaulted by the four victims. He was hunting them down one by one and almost managed to get to the fourth when Hotch and Spencer went to his house after the case was brought to light. Now, Hotch is in danger, and Spencer has been shot. 

“Daryl hurting him will only make it worse. If anything, you should hurt me more, I’m gay. I’m more likely to hurt you than him.”

That got his attention. He shoved Hotch to the ground, not caring if he stayed down or not. 

“You’re a fag?”

“Y-yes, I’m,” Reid swallowed, trying to stomach saying the word that he’d had hurled at him in his youth, “I’m a faggot.”

With that, Daryl jumped on him. He started punching Spencer, who was oh so small under his oh so large body. 

Hotch started to stand, lunging towards Daryl, who was still going. 

“Daryl Jacobs, you’re under arrest for the murder of Alexander James, John William and Thomas Reynolds. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you if you so desire. Do you understand your rights?”

Silence. Hotch tugged at the handcuffs to get his attention.

“Do you understand your rights?”

Jacobs grunted in affirmation. 

“Spencer, can you-”

“Already did,” he responded, trying to stand but getting dizzy, “They’re, fuck, they’re on the way now.”

The front door slams open.

“Hotch? Reid?” Derek. He’s come for them. 

“In here!” Hotch yells, kneeling down to check on Spencer’s bloody face. JJ and Morgan ran in, seeing Reid, whose arm was covered in blood, and although it was dry, it was still startling. His face, however, was rougher, he had a split lip and rapidly bruising eye. 

“Spencer,” JJ cooed, reaching towards his face.

“‘m fine Jajye, doesn't even hurt too bad. You’re actin’ like my mom.”

By now, Emily had taken Jacobs away, silently pushing him into the cop car, not wanting to deal with the man who hurt a member of her family.

No one fucks with the BAU and gets away with it. 


	3. phone calls and baby hitler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> reid wants to shoot up, so he messages the one person he's 90% sure cares.

**Private Message**

**12:35 AM**

**Boy Wonder:** aroe you up?

**Chocolate Thunder:** Yeah pretty boy, what’s going on?

**Boy Wonder:** ngithamres again

**Boy Wonder:** i kinfa wanna shoot up 

**Chocolate Thunder:** Shit, kid. Do you feel safe with yourself?

**Boy Wonder:** i douuno anymore everything is weird 

**Chocolate Thunder:** Do you want me to call you? Make sure you can’t do anything?

**Boy Wonder:** i don't want o bother tou 

**Chocolate Thunder:** You won’t be, I can’t sleep anyways.

**_Incoming Call…_ **

_“Hey pretty boy,”_ there’s some rustling as Derek shifts in his bed.

_“H-hey Derek,”_ Spencer’s been crying. 

_“You okay sweetheart? You sound like you’ve been crying.”_

_“‘Cause I have been. Bad night, and I’m tempted to go, shit, I can’t believe I called you about this but fuck I’ve been clean for two years, I can’t throw that away.”_

_“Then don’t I’m here for you. And I'm so proud of you for making it to two years.”_

There’s some sniffling on the line.

_“You ok there baby boy?”_

A sharp inhale could be heard. 

_“‘M fine. Just, no one’s told me they’re here for me and meant it in a long time.”_

_“Well I mean it, I care about you.”_

_"Fuck, Derek, you don't know how much that means to me."_

_"It's true, I care about you, and I'm here for you."_

They talked for an hour or so more, just random things.

( _"No, no, I'm saying that killing baby Hitler is a last resort! Accept him into art school first, and if that doesn't work then kill him!"_

_"God, pretty boy, your brain baffles me sometimes.")_

After some time, Derek heard light snores. His pretty boy was asleep.

_“G’night pretty boy, stay safe.”_


End file.
